| Current mood: |  mellow |
| Current music: | rihanna - umbrella |
sliding states
i dont feel entirely fantastic. i stayed home, i had stomach cramps - not sick, virus kind - more like emotional, anxiety and/or my body rebelling to over-stimulation too early in the morning - kind.
im not sure exactly what i want to do next. maybe go back to sleep. its probably the best thing i could do, i havent been sleeping enough but mostly because sitting here over analyzing every aspect of my life would not be beneficial.
there isnt really a lot to "figure out". any uncertainty that exists is primarily created by emotions or fear and any uncertainty that isn't - well, analyzing that doesnt change or resolve anything. you just end up stewing in it, making decisions or creating worry about things that have no real life relevance. honestly, when was the last time dissecting my head ended up creating any resolution.
usually when i feel anything other than what i identify as a positive state, i feel like i need to "do" something about it. but not today. i am attempting to allow myself to be where i am, which is a little guarded, uncertain, and well - catlike in that "im spending the afternoon curled up on top of a shelf where i can observe everything but not participate unless i see something undeniably engaging" way.
which actually isnt a negative state. its closer to neutral. but in allowing that state it keeps me from venturing further down the line to the - questioning everything and having second thoughts about any and everything - state.
so i will end here before writing about not being in that state inadvertently causes me to end up exactly there.
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seraphin_13) wrote,
